Hard Habit to Break
by Poppyseed
Summary: Sean's life is spinning out of control. Can his friends help? Takes place after Message in A Bottle.
1. Lonesome Loser

This fic takes place during/after Message in A Bottle and proceeds into my version of Season 3, mostly centered around Sean and Craig.  I'm picking up right at the point where Emma calls her mom to pick up her and Sean from Jimmy's party.

*****

Sean and Emma were sitting on the fence outside of Jimmy's party.  They were both silent for a minute until Sean finally stood up.  "I don't feel good.  I have to go home."  Without even looking at him, Emma reached out one arm and pushed him back into a sitting position. He hung his head in disgust.  "Why do you even bother?"

"What are you talking about?" She asked, shaking her head.

"I'm just a big stupid loser.  My – My parents are drunks, my brother's out of work.  I'm just a big stupid loser like them."

"Yah so is that what you want me to say?  Do you want me to call you a big stupid loser Sean?  Is that what you want?"  Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

            He stared at the ground, wondering how he had managed to screw things up so badly.  He heard Emma dialing her cell phone and looked up, confused. "Who are you calling?"

"My mom."

"What? No! hang up!"

She completely ignored him.  "Mom? You know you said if I ever needed you'd pick me up no questions asked? Great. We're outside Jimmy's."

*****

            Christine Nelson hung up the phone and grabbed her car keys from the table.

            "Where are you going?  Who was on the phone?"  Archie was concerned.

            "It was Emma.  She needs a ride.  Something must be wrong."

            Snake grabbed his coat and followed Spike out the door.  "I'm coming too."

*****

            It seemed like an eternity before Emma's mom showed up.  But Sean hadn't given up his crusade about being no good;  He was obsessing about it.

            "Sean, it's all in your head.  You made a mistake.  It's okay."

            He felt too sick to respond.  He couldn't believe his girlfriend's mom was about to pick him up, drunk.  He was such a loser.

            "Finally!  She's here, Sean.  Come on."  Emma leaned down and grabbed Sean's arm to help him into the car.  

When Archie saw her struggle, he jumped out to help.  "Sean?  Are you okay?"  

            "Snake!" warned Emma, "no questions asked, remember?  Just help me get him into the car and get him home."

            "Here, let's put him in the front seat, in case… in case he gets sick."

*****

            The car ride home was filled with awkward silence.  No one said a word until they were just outside Sean's apartment.  Emma helped him out of the car, and with Archie's help, got him up to the front door.

            "I don't know where his keys are.  Just ring the bell for number 3.  Tracker should be home."  Emma was trying to shift Sean's weight off of her.  "Sean, don't pass out yet!"

            The door suddenly flew open, revealing an impatient looking Tracker.  "What's going on Emma?"  It didn't take him long to piece it together.  "Sean, are you drunk?"  

            "Yes, he his," Emma stated matter-of-factly.      

            "Thanks for bringing him home.  I've got him from here."  Tracker threw Sean's left arm over his shoulder and led him up the stairs, slamming the door in Archie and Emma's face.

            "Well, that went well," Emma pointed out, scornfully.

            "Come on Em, let's get home."  She nodded and Archie led her back to the car where her mother was waiting.


	2. Second Chance

For some reason, this site keeps messing up my formatting.  I swear, I know that there's supposed to be a tab at the beginning of each paragraph.  I hope it's not too irritating.  And enjoy the story!

*****

Sean opened his eyes.  It took him a minute to figure out where he was or how he had gotten there.  He looked around.  He was on the couch in his apartment, and his head was pounding.  He sat up quickly, and groaned.  He felt nauseous.

            "Headache?" asked Tracker.

            Sean slowly turned to face Tracker who was sitting in the chair next to him reading the paper.  "Yah, something like that."  He laid back down on the couch.

            Tracker folded up the paper and sat it down.  "What were you thinking last night?"  His tone was harsh.

            "I don't want to talk about it."

            "I don't care.  What you did was stupid."

            "You think I don't know that?"  Sean was irritated.

            "You're the child of alcoholics, do you know what that means?"  Sean didn't reply.  "That means you are four times more likely to become an alcoholic if you drink.  Do you really want to end up like Mom and Dad?"

            "No!  I get it okay."

            "Then what in the world were you thinking night?"

            "Look, I was stressed out okay.  I just wanted to relax and have some fun."

            "Did you?"

            "No.  Emma is gonna be pissed at me."

            "What about now, are you having fun now?"

            "No, I think I'm gonna puke."  He stood up and ran into the bathroom and slammed the door.

            "Remember this the next time you have one of your brilliant ideas," Tracker called after him.

*****

            Sean was not looking forward to school on Monday.  He hadn't talked to Emma since she dropped him at his doorstep on Friday.  He was sure she was going to hate him.

He was trying to avoid seeing her, but sure enough, she caught up to him before homeroom.

"Sean!"

He turned around and headed in the other direction.  He didn't want to talk to her right now.

But Emma wasn't going to let him off so easily.  "Sean! Sean! Sean, why are you doing this?"

"Because I screwed up, alright Emma." He turned to walk away again, but she stopped him.

"Once! Everybody screws up once."

"Emma, homeroom is about to start."

"I know, but this is more important, so stop!"

She pushed him up against a locker as the late bell rang.  He sunk to the floor, and Emma sat down next to him.

"Things are always gonna be like this," he said.

"Like what?"

"Me screwing up.  It's in my blood."

"It's in your head, and that's all."

"Your mom and Simpson aren't going to be as forgiving."

"Did they give you the 3rd degree?"

"No," he said, in a voice barely above a whisper.

"I mean if they have to drive you home drunk a _second_ time, it might be a different story-"

"You don't have to worry about that, alright.  Tracker gave me a lecture…and I just don't…"

"Okay! But this isn't about Tracker, or your parents, or my parents. This is about _you and _me._" She paused. "Sean, I like you."_

"I like you too."

"Then what's the problem?"

He stopped to look at her.  "I'm sorry Emma."

"And I forgive you.  Now let's get to class before we're even later than we already are."


	3. With a Little Help From My Friends

Just a short little chapter.  I wanted to update before I left town for Thanksgiving.  I promise the next chapter will have more action. Enjoy!

And since I forgot to mention this before: I own nothing!

            Sean had somehow managed to make it through the week.  It was Friday at last!  The only thing standing between him and freedom was Media Immersion, his last class of the day.

            "I have here your graded media reports," announced Mr. Simpson. "On the whole, I was very impressed with your work."  He began handing back the reports to the students, and paused at Sean's desk.  "Although some of you could use some improvement."  He slapped down Sean's report, a big red "F" on the top of it.  Sean sighed and threw his head down on the desk.  Would this week ever end?

*****

Craig Manning was searching the halls for his best friend.  Craig knew that Sean had been having a rough week and wanted to make sure everything was okay.  Truth was, he had been so busy this week, that he hadn't even had a chance to talk to Sean about Jimmy's party.  Finally, he spotted him at his locker.

            "Sean!"  Sean turned around as Craig walked up behind him.  "There you are.  I've been looking for you all day."

            "Well you found me.  What's up?"

            "Nothing, just haven't talked to you in awhile.  Everything okay?"

            "Seems to be the running question this week."  Sean ignored Craig's quizzical looks.  "I'm fine.  Really."

            "And Emma?"

            "Is being more forgiving than she probably should be."

            "What about Tracker?"

            "I'd rather not talk about it."

            "That good, huh?"

            Sean just shook his head.  Tracker was mad, but had actually been pretty reasonable about the whole thing.

            "So, are you grounded or are you up for coming over tonight?  I was thinking, guys' night.  Joey's got a date, Ang is with her grandma."

            "No, sounds good.  What time?"

            Craig smiled.  "Around 8 okay?"

            "Jimmy's not gonna be there is he?"

            "No, just me and you.  Spin and Jimmy have plans, and Marco's got some date with Ellie."

            Sean nodded.  "Alright, see you tonight then."

*****

            Sean was late getting to Craig's that night.  He had had to endure another one of Tracker's lectures about drinking.  As a result, Joey and Angela were already gone by the time he got to Craig's house.

            "Finally, I was beginning to think you weren't coming."

            "Nah, just had to listen to Tracker tell me that he trusts there'll be no drinking tonight, and on and on…"

            Craig just laughed.  "Well, there's no parental figures to lecture you here.  Come on in, and let guys' night begin!!"


	4. Here I Go Again

Sean glanced over at Craig.  He had fallen asleep on the couch while they were watching Fight Club.  Sean stood up from the chair he was sitting in and stretched.  He went into the kitchen, opened the pizza box that was still sitting on the counter from hours ago, and helped himself to the last slice of pizza.  He opened the fridge to get a pop to wash it down with, but his eyes fell on the liquor bottle on the bottom shelf.  He glanced back at Craig over his shoulder, and then pulled the bottle out.  He twisted off the top, and took a long swig.

            "Don't hog it all."

            Sean nearly choked.  He turned around to see Craig coming into the kitchen.  "Craig, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

            He grabbed the bottle from Sean.  "Don't be sorry, just share man."

            Sean stared in disbelief as Craig took a long drink from the Vodka bottle.  "What are you doing?"

            "What, I'm not allowed to drink?  Come on Sean.  We've got a house to ourselves.  I think we can find better things to do than fall asleep to movies."  He twisted the cap back on the bottle and put it back in the fridge.  "But we need a different bottle.  Joey will notice if we finish this off."  Sean was still dumbfounded.  Craig laughed.  "What, you think you're the only one who's ever wanted to get drunk?"

            He shook his head.  "Aren't you just full of surprises."

            "Yah, I guess.  Come on, Joey keeps most of his liquor in the basement.  We can steal a few bottles, he won't notice."

            Sean followed Craig into the basement.  In a far corner, there were stacks of bottles.  "Geez, does Joey drink a lot?"

            "No, not really.  Some of it's left over from Snake's bachelor party, but I don't understand why he keeps most of this stuff.  He'll never notice it's gone."

            "Are you sure?"

            "I've done it before."

            "In that case, grab some rum."

            A few minutes later, the boys were back upstairs with a bottle of rum and a few beers.

            "Why didn't you pull this stuff out at the last guys' night?"

            "I don't know.  I didn't think any of you would be interested.  Except maybe Spinner and he can barely handle string cheese."  They both laughed.  Craig ran his fingers through his hair.  "Uh, besides I didn't want to insult you or anything, what with your parents being alcoholics and all."

            Sean could have done without the last comment.  He didn't really want to think about them right now.  "Let's not talk about that okay?  I'm nothing like my parents.  I can have a few drinks and not become an alcoholic."  He wasn't sure who he was trying to convince, Craig or himself.

            "Hey, no problem," he said, while mixing rum and cokes.  He glanced at the clock.  "But, uh, let's move the party upstairs in case Joey gets home early."

*****

            An hour and a half later, the two had finished up the rum and were starting in on the beer.

            Sean was definitely feeling the effects.  "I would be in so much trouble if Tracker knew what I was doing."

            "It's not like he's never been drunk before, right?"

            "I doubt it.  He threatened to call my social worker if I ever drank again.  I'm not even sure that's a bad thing.  Maybe she would send me back to live with my parents where it would be even easier to get my hands on alcohol."

            Craig stared at Sean quizzically.  "You're kidding, right?"

            Sean laughed.  "I think you've had too much.  Yes, of course I'm kidding.  I'm just saying, what would calling my social worker accomplish?  It's not like she's gonna rip me out of Tracker's house."

            "It must be weird to not live with your parents."

            "You don't live with yours."

            "Well, yah, but Joey's the closest thing to a dad I've ever known.  It's different than living with your brother."

            Sean shrugged.  "He's the closest thing I've ever had to a dad."

            A door slammed downstairs, interrupting their conversation. 

            Craig looked at his watch.  "Shit, that's Joey."  He grabbed the empty bottles and hurriedly threw them in his closet and hid the full bottles under his bed.  He grabbed a pack of gum from his night stand and threw a piece at Sean as the footsteps started up the stairs.  "Here, chew this."

            They had no sooner shoved the gum in their mouths and resumed playing cards than Joey knocked on the door and walked in.  "Hey Craig, hey Sean."

            "How was the date?" Craig asked, trying to play it cool.

            Joey smiled.  "Not too bad."  He glanced at Sean.  "You spending the night?"  Sean nodded.  "Okay, don't stay up too late."  He left the room, and shut the door behind him.

            Craig breathed a sigh of relief.  "Close one."

            Sean shook his head.  "That was just too easy."  He couldn't believe they had gotten away with it.  He smiled as Craig handed him another beer.  "We should really do this more often."  Sean had already forgotten about the promises he had made to Emma and Tracker.  He was only thinking of himself, only thinking of the next time he could escape reality.


	5. Escape

**A/N:** Okay, it's been a long time since I updated.  Sorry about that.  We're in the middle of a move out of state so things have been hectic.  This chapter is mostly filler, not much going on.  I promise to make up for it in the next few chapters, I just needed to get something written to get back into the story.

**Eyes of a Child:  **Yah, at first I thought Craig drinking was unusual and I was going to write it as an OOC, but then I thought he's been kind of different than I expected all season, and he didn't really freak out when Sean was drunk in Message in a Bottle.  So, then I could actually see him doing it.  Just my take on it.  

Oh and thanks to everyone who reviewed.  I really appreciate it!

Sean woke up the next morning, his head pounding.  It took a few minutes for him to remember where he was, but soon the events of the previous night came flooding back to him.  He sat up slowly, and glanced around the room.  Craig was gone.  Sean was just slipping a tee shirt over his head when he heard the tell tale signs of puking from the bathroom across the hall.

            Sean glanced at the clock, 12:30pm.  He quietly walked out into the hallway and knocked on the bathroom door.  "Craig, man, are you okay," he called out as loudly as he dared.  He had no idea where Joey might be.

            As if on cue, Joey came up behind him.  "What's with the whispering buddy?"

            Sean stumbled back from the door.  "Oh, sorry Joey, I thought you were still sleeping."  Sean silently prayed that Joey didn't figure out what was going on.

            "Sleeping past noon?  Not likely," he laughed.  "If Craig ever comes out of the bathroom, tell him I made pancakes and bacon.  They're on the table downstairs."

            Sean's stomach did a somersault at the thought of food, but he tried to hide his disgust.  "No problem Joey."

            After Joey had gone back to his room, Sean knocked on the door again.  "You almost done in there?"  He heard the toilet flush, and the door flew open.

            Craig looked pale and was covered in sweat.  "It's all yours man."

            Sean laughed, "there's pancakes and bacon downstairs if you're interested."

            Craig's whole body shivered, and he slammed the bathroom door in Sean's face.  It wasn't long until Sean heard him puking all over again.

*****

            Tracker was waiting for Sean when he got home that afternoon.  Sean had expected as much.

            "Hey, Sean.  How was last night?"

            "It was great, lots of girls, drugs, and booze.  How was your night?"  he answered sarcastically.

            "Ha, ha.  A real comedian.  No, really, what did you do?"

            Sean rolled his eyes.  "Watched movies, ate pizza, played cards.  Happy?"

            Tracker nodded.  "I like this Craig kid.  He sounds alright."

            "Oh good, maybe you two can date."  Sean threw his bag in his bedroom.  "I'm taking a shower," he called out as he slammed the bathroom door.  Leave it to Tracker to grill him about his night.  He claimed to trust him, but Sean knew better.  He would just have to be careful in the future.  What Tracker didn't know wouldn't hurt him.


	6. All I Need

**A/N:** Sorry it's been so long since I updated!  We just moved and things have been hectic.  But things are good now, and I should be updating more regularly.  Thanks to all of you who have reviewed (especially **eyes of a child**, **Flamingteen**, **starlighteyez**, and **Laura**, who've all reviewed more than once!).

And now, I hope you enjoy the story!

"So, you had fun at Craig's the other night?" Emma asked while plopping down on her parents' couch next to Sean.  They had made plans to spend the afternoon watching movies together.

            Sean nodded.  "Yah, it was alright."

            Emma popped a piece of popcorn into her mouth.  "Joey said Craig is sick."  Sean stared at her, puzzled.  "He called to say he didn't need me to baby-sit Ang this week," she explained.

            "Oh,"  Sean paused.  "Yah, I guess he's sick."

            Emma was confused by Sean's behavior.  "Are you okay?  You seem distant."

            Sean shook his head, "no, I'm fine."

            She held her hand to his head, as if to feel for a fever.  "I hope you're not getting sick too."

            He shook her hand off of him.  "Actually," he lied, "I am starting to feel a little sick.  Maybe I should go home."

            She nodded, and stood to walk him to the door.  "Go get some rest.  We can do this some other time."  She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek as he stood in the doorway, and then closed the door behind him.

            Outside on the street, Sean felt relieved.  Sitting there with Emma had made him feel incredibly guilty about what he had done.  He had broken his promise to her.  What a lousy boyfriend he had turned out to be.

            Sean started walking, but then realized he didn't know where to go.  Tracker wasn't expecting him for a few hours, and Sean really didn't want to explain the situation to him.  After a few minutes, Sean decided he would check in on Craig.

***

            Joey answered the door when Sean arrived.  "Hey, Sean.  What's the matter, just can't get enough of this place?"

            Sean forced a smile as Joey led him inside.  "Something like that.  I just came to see how Craig was doing."

            "He's feeling better now, must have been a 24 hour bug or something.  You can go upstairs and see him, he's in his room."

            Sean took the stairs two at a time up to Craig's room, and knocked loudly on the door.

            "Come in!" Craig yelled from the other side.

            Sean stepped into the room.  Craig was laying in bed in his pajamas watching tv.  "Man, have you even left this room?"

            Craig sat up.  "Hey Sean.  I thought you were spending the day with Emma?"

            "Eh, things didn't work out that way."

            "Everything okay?"

            Sean nodded.  "Yah, it's fine.  I just didn't feel like being cooped up in the same house with Spike and Snake right now."

            "I wouldn't mind.  Joey won't let me leave the house.  Says he doesn't want me sick for school tomorrow."  He laughed.  "I tried to tell him I'd be fine, but he wouldn't listen."

            Sean sat down and picked up the PlayStation controllers, throwing one to Craig.  "In that case, how about some PlayStation?"

            Craig smiled.  "There's still some beer under the bed if you're interested."

            Sean reached under the bed and pulled a beer for each of them.  As he took the first sip, he felt all of his worries from earlier melt away.

***

            It was nearly 9 o'clock when Sean finally showed up at home.  Tracker was in the kitchen making a snack.

            "How was Emma's?"

            He shrugged.  "It was okay.  She picked a bunch of chick flicks for us to watch though."

            Tracker nodded.  He seemed to be thinking about something.  "Emma called here, Sean.  Hours ago.  She said you left cuz you weren't feeling good, and she wanted to see how you were doing."

            Sean stood frozen in his tracks.  How was he going to get out of this one?

"Where were you Sean?"

            Sean turned around to face Tracker.  "Look, I just didn't feel like sitting in her parents' house, so I went over to Craig's.  You can call him and ask him if you want."

            "Mmhmm."

            "What, you don't believe me?  That's just great!"

            "Sean, you just stood here and lied to my face.  Why didn't you call and tell me you were going to Craig's?  Why lie about it?"

            "I didn't think it was that big of a deal!"

            Tracker hesitated, unsure if he should ask the next question.  "Were you drinking?"

            "What? How could you even ask that?  No, we weren't drinking!  Joey was there the whole time.  Thanks for your trust."

            "Well, you haven't really given me much reason to trust you, now have you?  First you go off and get drunk, then you lie to my face.  Why should I trust you?"

            "Because I'm telling the truth, Tracker."

            "Come here, let me smell your breath."

            "I can't believe you man," Sean muttered while walking into his bedroom.  "Some brother."  He slammed the door behind him.  

He couldn't believe how close he had just come to being caught by his brother again.  He just hoped Tracker would leave him alone until he sobered up.  

But what in the world was he going to tell Emma?


	7. It's Inevitable

Sean couldn't sleep.  He couldn't imagine what he was going to say to Emma at school tomorrow.  She had forgiven him so many times in the past, when would she reach her breaking point?

            Sean really did care for Emma.  That was the worst part of the situation.  He continually did things to hurt her, but he never meant for things to happen that way.  It was almost like screwing up was inevitable for him.  He had tried to tell her that before, but she wouldn't listen.  Sean just didn't know how to be the perfect boyfriend.  Or the perfect brother, or student…or the perfect anything for that matter.  But he was good at screwing up.

            He glanced at his bedside clock.  It was almost 6:30 am.  He could hear Tracker getting ready for work.  Ever since he had gotten his new job, he was off to work before Sean was even up for school. 

            Sean suddenly had an idea.  He would skip.  Just that simple.  No need to see Emma, no need to worry about the homework that he hadn't done.  Tracker would never know.  He could spend the day thinking of what to tell Emma and doing homework.  

            He laid in bed, waiting to hear the sound of Tracker locking the door behind him.  He waited a few minutes to be sure he was really gone, then got up to call the school.  Because Tracker wasn't that old, the school secretary could never tell the difference between Sean's and Tracker's voice.  He would make the call, say he would be out sick, and then he wouldn't have to worry about Tracker getting a phone call at work later that day.

            As Sean sat in the living room watching TV after having made his phone call, he started to reminisce about his weekend.  He had felt so good when he was drinking.  There was something carefree about it.  When he was drunk, he didn't have to think about disappointing anyone.  And alcohol was always there for him.  It was constant.  Every time he turned to it, it was the same.  He could see why his parents had become addicted.  But he wasn't like that.  He enjoyed it, but it didn't consume him.  He drank to be social, to hang out with his friends.  It's not like he sat around by himself getting drunk.

            Sean flipped lazily through the channels.  There was nothing on.  He didn't feel like doing his homework either.  He shut off the TV and threw the remote down.  Maybe he would have just one beer.  Just one drink to calm him down.  It would get his mind to focus so he could think about  his problem with Emma.  One drink couldn't hurt, right?

            Sean dug into his closet and pulled out the knapsack that he had filled with bottles from Craig's house.  Craig didn't want any of the half drunk bottles left at his house in case Joey got suspicious.  Sean didn't mind taking them.  

            Sean vaguely wished that he had thought of skipping earlier so that Craig could have joined him.  _'But too late for that now,' he thought._  He looked through the alcohol and decided he wanted to do a few shots of vodka first.

            Sean was standing in the kitchen, his back to the door, downing his third shot, when his party came to an abrupt end.

            "What the HELL are you doing?"


	8. You're Busted

**A/N:** Okay, I'm trying to get better about updating.  Thanks to those of you who have reviewed (especially to teenwriter for kicking me in the butt and getting me working on this story again).  For all of you who are wanting to see more Emma, don't worry, she's going to be around for a confrontation and some support in the next chapter.  Oh, and at the end of the chapter I introduce Sean's social worker.  I've never heard a name or anything, so I made it up.  Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong! Enjoy!

*****

Sean slowly turned around, and his worst fear was realized as he saw Tracker standing in the doorway.

"I asked what you were doing."  His voice was harsh, but he wasn't yelling.  He took the bottle from Sean's hands.  "I should have known."

Sean stood in disbelief for a few minutes before he regained his ability to speak.  "What are you doing here?  I thought you were supposed to be at work."

"It's my lunch break."

Sean had no reply.  He didn't know what he could say that could possibly stop him from getting in trouble right now.  And he wasn't sure how to explain the situation to Tracker.

Tracker grabbed Sean by the arm and led him over to the couch.  "Sit down."  Sean obeyed, still in shock.  "We need to talk because this," he gestured towards the bottles on the counter, "this just isn't gonna happen."

He wasn't sure if was the alcohol making his head feel like it was on a rollercoaster or the fear of what his brother would do to him, but either way, he started backpedaling, fast.  "It's not that big of a deal.  I mean –"

"Not that big of a deal?!"  Tracker interrupted him, his face twisted in confusion and anger.  "This is a very big deal Sean.  You're drinking, and lying to me, and cutting school."

"I didn't feel good this morning, and I didn't want to bother you at work so I thought I'd just –"

Tracker held up his hand to silence his younger brother.  "Stop. Just stop lying to me.  If you won't even give me the satisfaction of the truth, then don't say anything at all."

Sean stared at his brother.  Tracker sat with his head in his hands, not sure what to do next.  Sean had expected anger, even disappointment, but the sadness that registered in his brother's eyes was more than he could handle.

"I'm, I'm sorry, Tracker.  I just thought, it's just…"  Sean wasn't sure what to say.  "It just makes me forget about my problems for awhile, you know?"

Tracker nodded, knowingly.  "Yah, I do know.  But when you sober up, there's a whole new set of problems waiting for you.  Just another set of problems and another excuse to drink."

Sean hung his head.  He knew Tracker was right.  In the last few days his life had gotten so much more complicated.  But he didn't know what to do about it.  He was overwhelmed now.  He had lied to Emma and his brother.  He had broken their trust.  He didn't know how to fix it.  Things were spiraling down, and he was along for the ride, not knowing how to stop it.

"Where did you get the alcohol?"  

Tracker's question immediately slammed Sean back into reality.  He hadn't thought about the possibility of getting Craig in trouble too.  He shook his head.  "It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does.  Where did you get it?"  Sean didn't answer, and he didn't meet Tracker's stare.  "I'm calling Joey about this weekend regardless of your answer.  I should have trusted my gut instinct.  I knew you were drinking, but I took your word for it."

"Okay, I got it at Craig's, but Craig wasn't drinking, I swear."

"You never stop lying do you?"

Sean sighed.  Tracker saw right through him.  He figured the easiest thing to do would be to come clean and tell him the whole story.  He only hoped that Craig would forgive him.

*****

"I'll get it!"  Craig yelled, as he reached to answer the ringing phone.  "Hello?"

"Could I speak to Joey please?"

The voice sounded vaguely familiar, yet Craig couldn't place it.  "Yah, could I tell him who's calling?"

"This is Tracker, Sean's brother."

Craig went cold.  He knew.  They had been busted.  He nodded his head, oblivious to the fact that Tracker couldn't see him on the other end of the phone.  "Um, one minute…"

Joey was downstairs quickly, curious as to why Sean's brother would be calling him.  Craig didn't know if he should try to escape, leave the house with an excuse before Joey hung up, or if he should just wait, and get his punishment over with.

His indecision proved to be too much, and before he could decide, Joey had already hung up the phone.

Joey stared at his stepson, disbelievingly.  "We need to talk."  His voice was soft, but harsh, something Craig had never heard before.

Craig nodded.  He was going to kill Sean.  

*****

Sean stepped out of the shower.  Tracker had forced him to take a long shower to sober up, and he had to admit, he felt a little bit better.  He was glad he didn't have to hear Tracker calling Joey.  He was worried about Craig; he hoped he hadn't gotten him into too much trouble.

Sean toweled his hair dry, and then wrapped the towel around his waist and walked to his bedroom.  He took his time getting dressed.  He knew Tracker wasn't done talking to him yet, and he wasn't in a hurry to see that sad look on Tracker's face again.

The apartment was quiet as he stepped out into the living room.  Tracker had called into work and taken the afternoon off, not wanting to leave Sean to his own devices.  Sean glanced around and saw Tracker standing over the sink pouring out the bottles of alcohol Sean had given him.  

Tracker turned around when he heard Sean.  "You should be doing this.  Get over here."

Sean nodded, and did as his brother said.

"Feel better?"

Another nod.  "Yah, thanks."  Sean poured the last of the alcohol and threw the bottle into the recycling.

"This isn't over yet, you know."

"I know," he hesitated.  "I'm sorry, man.  Really, I am.  It won't happen again."

"I know," he answered, echoing his brother's words.  He tossed him the phone.  "Now call Emma.  She's worried sick about you."

Sean backed away from the phone like it had the plague.  "Um, not right now man.  Maybe, maybe later."

"Then call your social worker."

Sean looked up, surprised.  "Are you serious?"

"Dead."

He sighed.  Sadly, his social worker seemed like the easier call to make.

Sean dialed the number he knew by heart.  His social worker wasn't so bad really.  Sean just hated disappointing everyone in his life.  He had let down everyone who cared about him: Emma, Tracker, Craig, and now his social worker.  

"Hello?"  Mr. Peterson had picked up on the first ring.

"Hey, Mr. Peterson, this is Sean."

"Hi, Sean.  What's going on?  Everything okay?"

He hesitated, not sure what to say.  "Um, not really."

"What's going on?"  Sean could hear the concern in his voice.

"Um, well…"  How did he phrase this? 

Mr. Peterson sensed the tension in his voice.  "How about we get together?  Tomorrow, after school?"  When Sean didn't respond he added,  "Sometimes these things are easier in person."

"Yah, sure.  Tomorrow after school sounds good.  Thanks."  He hung up the phone and caught Tracker staring at him from the kitchen.  He shrugged, and walked into his bedroom.  He wasn't looking forward to talking to Emma.


	9. Don't Shed a Tear

**A/N:** Sorry it's been so long since I've updated.  I've been gone for awhile, but I'm back now and I'm hoping to finish this story soon.  I think there will only be one or two more chapters.  I have another Degrassi story that I'd like to finish (an Ellie/Sean), and then I will start work on a whole new story.  Thanks for sticking with me!  Enjoy!

*****

A few hours later, Sean was standing outside Emma's door.  It had taken some convincing, but Tracker had eventually let him come.  The words of his social worker were still echoing in his mind.  _Sometimes these things are easier in person._

He took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.  It wasn't long before Spike answered.  

            "Sean, hi.  We weren't expecting you."

            He smiled a nervous smile.  "Uh, is Emma here?  I need to talk to her."

            Christine smiled.  "Sure, come on in.  I'll get her for you."

            Sean stood, like a prisoner awaiting his executioner, at the bottom of the stairs.  Time passed too quickly, and Emma was bounding down the steps in no time.

            "Sean, I thought you were sick?  What are you doing out?"  Her face was painted with concern.

            He tried his best at a smile, but gave up halfway through.  He needed to do this now.  "Can we talk?"

            She nodded, confused, and led him outside to the porch so they could be alone.  "Sean, what's wrong?"

            He sat down, and she followed suit, waiting patiently for his answer.

            "I lied to you."  She looked up, startled, and he held his hand out to stop her from saying anything.  He had to keep going.  "I broke my promise.  I told you I'd never drink again, and I did.  I drank with Craig, then I lied to you about it.  I told you I was sick and I couldn't watch movies, but that was a lie too.  I went to Craig's and got drunk.  And today, I skipped school so I could drink.  Tracker caught me."  He paused, and looked up into her eyes.  He had hurt her, that much was clear.  How he hated to be the cause of her pain!  "I'm so sorry Emma."  His voice was pleading.  "I never meant to hurt you.  I just, I didn't know what else to do."

            She was silent for a long time.  He couldn't tell what she was thinking.  He wished she would say something, anything, even yell at him.  The silence was more than he could bear.

            "I wish you would have come to me," she said at last, her voice barely above a whisper, her head hanging in defeat.  She looked up at him, stared him in the eyes.  "I don't know if I can forgive you for this Sean."

            Her words stung, broke his heart, but yet he had expected them.  "I know.  And if you can't ever forgive me, then I understand, but I wanted to know that I'm sorry.  I never meant to hurt you."

            "You never mean to hurt me, but somehow you always do."  She stood up, tears in her eyes, and went back inside, closing the door behind her.

            Sean sat there for a few minutes, his head in his hands, and then sadly started home.  He knew things were only going to get worse.

*****

            Sean had never dreaded a day more in his life.  He knew that he would see Craig at school, and he would have to face the consequences of ratting him out.  He still had the appointment with his social working looming over his head, and sadly that was the easiest part of his day.  He didn't know how he would face Emma.  Or even if he could.

            Tracker had arranged to go in late to work so that he could drive Sean to school.  Sean knew his brother didn't trust him, and he didn't blame him.  Sean had given him no reason to.

            They rode to school in silence.  Sean's mind was racing; his stomach felt more twisted than the alcohol ever made him feel.  In no time, they were right outside the school. 

            "After school, it's straight to your social worker's office and then straight home.  I want you to call me at work when you get in."

            Sean just nodded.  His throat was too dry for words.  He gathered up his backpack as slowly as he could and walked with lead feet toward the entrance of the school.  He just knew the day was going to be bad.

*****

            Just as Sean predicted, the day had been horrible.  He had failed yet another English assignment and was now in danger of failing the class entirely, Emma was giving him the silent treatment, and he had not had a chance to talk to Craig yet.  Emma was his biggest concern right now.  He could see the tears in her eyes, threatening to spill every time she looked at him.  He couldn't even describe how much that hurt him.  It would be a lot easier to get through this if she were by his side.

            By the time the last class of the day rolled around, Sean had just about had it.  He kept his head hung low as he walked through the hall towards the MI lab.  He was nearly there when a he was suddenly knocked off balance.

            Sean looked up, irritated at the younger student who had bumped into him.  "What's your problem?"

            The kid just rolled his eyes and shook his head.  "Nothin'" he muttered.

            "Did you just roll your eyes at me?"  Sean's temper was suddenly flaring.  The day's events had just pushed him too far.  

            The kid turned around to face Sean, but he didn't respond.

            "I said what's your problem!" Sean yelled as he gave the kid a good shove.  "You have a problem man?"

            In an instant, what had started as a harmless bump had turned into an all out fistfight.  Sean was on top of the kid punching, when he felt himself quickly being yanked backwards.

            "Mr. Cameron, Mr. Adams, office.  Now!"  Sean recognized Mr. Simpson's voice.  His hand was on Sean's shoulder, firmly guiding him in the direction of Mr. Raditch's office.  In front of him he could see Adams being guided in the same manner by Coach Armstrong.

            Sean sighed.  He had _almost_ made it through the day.  He didn't even want to think about what Tracker was going to say about this when he got home.  


	10. Biding My Time

**A/N:** Sorry this has taken so long to update. I know I've been really slow about it lately. A big thanks to Teenwriter for keeping me motivated on this story. I appreciate all the swift kicks you've been giving me.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I don't own a thing, except Mr. Peterson, the social worker.

* * *

Sean sat outside Mr. Raditch's office. His eye was throbbing. Adams had managed a good shot to his eye and his mouth before Sean gained the upper hand. Sean's lip had stopped bleeding, but it still stung where it had been ripped open. He knew he was going to have a black eye too, but he didn't look half as bad as Adams.

Sean sighed. He had come so close to making it through the day. Tracker was going to be furious when he heard about this. He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. He wished Raditch would hurry up. He wanted to get his punishment over with. He had never felt the need for a drink so strongly before.

"Sean?" Mr. Raditch interrupted his thoughts. "In my office please."

Sean reluctantly grabbed his bag and trudged into the office. Raditch did not look pleased.

"Sit." Sean did as he was told. "Do you want to explain what happened?" His voice was harsh, but not cruel. Sean had heard that tone a lot in last few days. "Well?"

Sean shook his head. He didn't have the energy to defend himself. He was a screw up. He knew that. He didn't need Raditch to remind him of it. "Sorry, it was my fault."

Mr. Raditch was taken aback by Sean's honesty. Two teachers had seen the fight and had indicted Sean as the troublemaker. He had expected the boy to at least try to lay some of the blame on the younger student. He had seen Sean in his office many times through the years, but he had never seen him look so despondent. "Is everything okay Sean?"

"What would you care?" Sean spat bitterly. Now this was the Sean that Mr. Raditch was familiar with. "Can we just get this over with?"

Less than half an hour later, Sean was sitting on the steps outside the school. The school day had just ended, and for Sean, it would be his last day this week. He had been suspended for four days. He supposed he might have gotten off easier if he hadn't been so rude in Raditch's office, but he didn't care. He didn't know how he was going to explain this to Mr. Peterson or Tracker. He especially didn't know how to try to explain things to Emma. Snake had been one of the teachers that had broken up the fight. Surely he would tell Emma all about it over dinner.

Sean stood. The school building had emptied. He had hoped to see Craig, but he must have missed him. He glanced at his watch. He had twenty minutes before he had to be at his social worker's office. He had time to stop by Craig's house if he hurried.

He walked quickly to Craig's and was there in a matter of minutes. He hesitated at the door. He wasn't sure what he would say to Joey if he answered the door. He decided to take his chances and knocked.

The door swung open almost immediately, and as it seemed appropriate to the day Sean was having, Joey stood in the doorway.

"Woah, Sean, nice shiner." Joey stepped aside and let him in. "Are you okay?"

Sean had forgotten about his appearance. He nodded. "Just a little fight at school." He hesitated. "Um, could I talk to Craig?"

"He's grounded, so only for a minute."

"Thanks."

"He's upstairs in his room."

Sean silently climbed the stairs. He wasn't in as much of a hurry as he had been the last time he was here. Craig's door was open, and Sean let himself in.

Craig looked up from the book he was reading. "What happened to you man?"

"Just a fight at school." Craig nodded. "Look, I just wanted to say I'm sorry –"

"Don't worry about it man." Sean looked up, shocked. "It wasn't your fault." Sean stared, quizzically. "Okay, well it was partly your fault, but it was partly mine too. Don't worry about it."

Sean let out a sigh of relief. "So how bad was the punishment?"

"Not bad. Huge lecture from Joey. Huge. Grounded for three weeks. Not too bad, considering…"

"Yah, I don't think I'll get off as lightly."

"What happened to your face?"

Sean started to tell the story, but was interrupted by Joey. "Sorry, Sean, you'll have to go now."

"Meet me at lunch tomorrow?" Craig asked.

"Make it Monday," Sean answered. "I'm suspended until then."

Once outside Sean glanced at his watch again. His appointment with his social worker was scheduled for five minutes ago. He thought briefly of blowing it off, but decided better of it, and quickened his pace.

He really wasn't looking forward to this meeting.


	11. Can't Fight This Feeling

**A/N:** Okay, so I've gone beyond my claim of just a few more chapters. You don't mind do you?

* * *

Sean sat anxiously in the waiting room of Mr. Peterson's office. He was now officially twenty minutes late. Why did he think he would have time to stop at Craig's? He fidgeted with the magazine he held but wasn't reading. Mr. Peterson was going to have a cow. He was sure of it. And that was nothing compared to what Tracker was going to say when he saw Sean's face.

"Sean?" Mr. Peterson was standing in front of him now. "Are you ready?"

He didn't say anything, but followed Mr. Peterson back to his office. It had been awhile since Sean had been here. When Tracker first agreed to allow Sean to live with him, legal arrangements had dictated that Sean be placed with a social worker. Mr. Peterson was appointed to keep tabs on the home arrangement and occasionally, provide counseling to both Sean and Tracker. There were a lot of visits in those first months, but gradually, the two adjusted, and Mr. Peterson was less involved, though no less interested or concerned.

Sean sat down in the leather chair that he had claimed as his own in those first few months of counseling. The whole scene was just too familiar to Sean. He felt overwhelmed and his stomach lurched at the painful memories.

Mr. Peterson sat down across from him, with Sean's case folder in his hands. "Looks like you've been fighting again."

As it wasn't a question, but a statement of fact, Sean wasn't sure how to respond. He continued to stare at his shoes, lost for words.

He settled on a different approach. "Running a little late this afternoon aren't we?"

"Sorry Mr. Peterson. I…" he trailed off, not sure what to say next.

"Call me Peter."

Sean looked up. "Your name's Peter Peterson?" Sean was annoyed that he had never known this peculiar fact, but he wasn't sure why.

"Well, I guess my parents thought they were quite funny."

Sean smiled. His social worker always did have a way of breaking the ice.

"Now, why don't we get down to business. You've been having a rough time lately?"

The smile quickly faded away. "I guess I don't know where to start."

"How about we start with why you're so late and how your face ended up being used as a punching bag."

Sean hesitated for a moment, then launched into the whole story. He never stopped, and he never looked up for fear that he might lose his courage. When he was finished, he sat back and closed his eyes, thankful that it was over.

Now it was time for Peter to ask questions. "Does Tracker know about the suspension?"

Sean shook his head. "Not yet."

"How do you think he'll react?"

"Are you kidding? I think he's gonna kill me."

"Why do you think that? Do you feel he's been unreasonable about your punishment so far?"

He thought for a minute. Actually, Tracker had been very understanding and quite lenient on Sean. He shrugged his shoulders. "I guess I'm not sure."

"Sean, I'd like you to come back and see me again next week so we can talk about this some more."

"No offense, but I don't want to do the whole counseling thing again. It's just too much."

"I understand, but I think it would be best." He stood and handed Sean a paper from his desk.

"What's this?" Sean studied the paper.

"It's a list of local AA meetings. I thought it might be in your best interest to check one out."

He shook his head. "I'm not an alcoholic."

"No, maybe not, but you're certainly at a high risk here, wouldn't you say?" He paused. "If you're not comfortable with that, then I would highly recommend you attend an Alateen meeting. It's for teens who are dealing with an alcoholic friend or relative."

Sean shrugged and shoved the paper in his bag. "Maybe."

"That's all I can ask." He showed Sean out of the office. "Same time next week?" Sean nodded. "Call me if you need anything."

Sean muttered his thanks and left the building quickly. Once he was outside, he let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. His whole day was really working on his nerves. His hands were shaking. He needed to get a hold of himself.

He still hadn't calmed down by the time he reached home. The fear of Tracker's reaction to his suspension and the indignation of Peter implying that he had a drinking problem had really shaken him up. If only he had something to calm his nerves.

Sean threw his bag into his bedroom and picked up the phone to call Tracker at work. A woman with a gentle voice answered and Sean waited patiently while she found his brother

"Hello?"

"Hey Tracker, it's me."

"How was your meeting?"

"Fine."

"Okay, I'll be home in an hour or so. Get started on your homework. No TV. You're grounded remember."

"I know."

Sean said good bye and hung up the phone. He mentally kicked himself for not mentioning the fight. If he told him now, he would have time to cool down before he got home, and he wouldn't be so shocked at Sean's appearance. For a minute he considered calling him back, but decided against it. No, he would just have to wait now. No need irritating him at work with endless phone calls. Besides, Sean wasn't sure how to start the conversation anyway.

Sean laid down on his bed. He was shaking again. He really just needed to calm himself down. If only he could have one drink, just one. It would help him calm his nerves. He sighed and sat up. Without another thought he grabbed his knapsack from the closet and pulled out a beer. Tracker had trusted Sean to turn over all of his alcohol. He should have known better. Actually, Sean was surprised that Tracker hadn't performed an all out search of his bedroom. Sean had a small twinge of guilt for lying, but he felt it was really Tracker's fault for being so careless.

Sean opened the can and took in a long drink. He felt calmed instantly. He closed his eyes and laid down on the bed. As it did every time, the alcohol soothed his nerves. It really was a relief after a hard day. It was always there for him. And a few drinks now and then didn't make him an alcoholic. He just wished everyone would stop nagging him about it. He knew what he was doing.


	12. The Choices We Make

"Sean, I'm home." Tracker was later than usual. The day had been long, and he had stopped to pick up a pizza on his way home. He didn't feel like cooking tonight, and he was anxious to hear how Sean's meeting had gone. "Sean?"

Sean stretched. He had had a couple beers to calm his nerves and then he drifted off to sleep. Luckily he had cleaned up his mess first. He still had a nice buzz going, but he wasn't drunk. He felt it showed immense self control to drink only as much as he needed to get through his conversation with Tracker.

He threw on a tee shirt and walked into the living room. "Hey Tracker."

Tracker had his back to him, pulling plates out of the cupboards. "I picked up some pizza. What do you want, cheese or –" But Sean didn't get to hear his choices. Tracker had turned around and caught sight of the shiner and fat lip that Sean was sporting. "What the hell happened to you?" Tracker was immediately by his side, checking out his battle scars.

Sean pulled away from him. "I got into a fight."

Tracker was incensed. "What happened?" He sat down on the couch and motioned for Sean to do the same. Sean obeyed, but kept his distance.

"It was stupid. I just let my temper get the best of me."

"Who were you fighting?"

Sean shrugged. "I dunno. Some kid."

"You don't even know who you were fighting? That's really dumb, Sean."

"I know. I'm sorry." He dropped his eyes to the floor. "I'm suspended until Monday."

"Damn it Sean!" Tracker threw down the napkins he was holding and stood up. "Why do you keep doing these things? What is wrong with you?" It seemed that Tracker had reached his breaking point. "What did Mr. Peterson have to say about all this?"

"Not much. He wants to see me again next week."

Tracker was trying to calm himself down. He was so disappointed in Sean. They had come a long way from Sean not being able to control his temper. It hurt Tracker to see him going down that same path again. He was afraid of what it would mean to the little family they had left. "Well, you're going. You know that right?"

Sean nodded, but remained silent. He knew Tracker was going to be mad. At least he didn't have to see that hurt look in his eyes again. Sean wasn't sure if he could handle that.

"What else did he have to say?"

Sean shrugged, not wanting to mention the AA meetings or Alateen meetings that his social worker had suggested. He was afraid that Tracker would agree and force him to go. "He wasn't too happy with me. I guess no one's too happy with me lately."

"You make bad choices."

"I get it, I'm a screw up."

"Sean, you're not a screw up. You're a smart kid who makes bad decisions. I wish you could see that." He stood up and headed to the kitchen. "Come on, let's get some dinner before it gets cold. We have all week to talk about this."


	13. Falling Away

**A/N**: Here it is, an update after so long. I really struggled with this chapter. I knew what I wanted, but just couldn't get it out right...here's hoping it's not horrible!

Thanks for reading!

* * *

Sean had hoped that his suspension would turn out to be some enjoyable alone time in the apartment – a relaxation from the terrible few weeks that he had been having. Tracker, however, wanted it to be anything but enjoyable. He had taken the rest of the week off work for a "family emergency." Sean had surmised that **he** was that emergency. Apparently, the thought of Sean alone and enjoying himself was too much for Tracker to handle. Sean was under his constant watch and, by the third day, Sean had almost reached his breaking point.

To get by, Sean had been carefully sneaking drinks of vodka while his brother was sleeping or in the shower or otherwise occupied. Vodka was key because it was odorless. Tracker had been known to stand a little too close to Sean, trying to catch the smell of alcohol on his breath, and Sean was prepared. He felt guilty, but being around his brother made him nervous, scared that he was going to screw up again. He needed the alcohol to calm his nerves and stop his hands from shaking.

"Don't you have any homework to do" Tracker was almost as irritable as Sean and they had spent the last few hours mostly in silence.

Sean didn't answer, but retreated to his room to grab his book bag.

"You can do it out here" Tracker called, when Sean didn't return.

Sean held his tongue, not wanting to speak his mind and get into yet another argument with his brother. What did Tracker really think he was going to do? Tie one on in his bedroom under the ruse of doing homework? With the door open so Tracker could watch?

"Your trust in me is overwhelming" Sean spat sarcastically as he sat down on the couch. "I 'm capable of doing my homework without getting wasted." He reached into his bag and grabbed his History book roughly, sending papers from his overcrowded bag flying everywhere.

"Damn it" His frustration level was on overload.

Tracker began to help him pick up his papers. "You know, this wouldn't happen if –" But Sean didn't get to hear the rest of the sentence. Tracker had been distracted by the paper in his hands. "What's this"

Sean looked up, uneasy. Tracker was holding the list of AA meetings that Mr. Peterson had given him. "Um, it's nothing." He tried to grab it out of his brother's hands. "Give it here."

Tracker was puzzled. "Why do you have this Sean"

"No reason. Give it here." His voice was more determined this time.

"No, not until you tell me why you have this." He turned from the paper to stare at his younger brother. Tracker could see the anger building in Sean's face. "Sean why do you have this"

"Mr. Peterson gave it to me, okay" He stood up, throwing his books and papers everywhere. "Happy now"

"_Why_ did he give this to you" His voice was calmer than it had reason to be.

Sean distanced himself from Tracker. "I don't know, he just did."

"He just gave you this paper with no explanation? Come on Sean, I'm not that dumb."

"If I tell you, you're just gonna agree with him."

Tracker nodded, finally understanding. "He thinks you have a drinking problem."

Sean stormed off to his room, slamming the door. "Fuck you Tracker"

But Tracker wasn't going to let it slide this time. He was too worried about his brother. He headed for Sean's room, the paper still gripped in his left hand. "Sean –"

The door flew open, and Sean jumped - dropping the Vodka bottle that he was drinking from. After being so careful, he had forgotten to lock his door, and now he was caught.

"Capable of doing your homework without being wasted, huh" After all his denial, Tracker finally knew it was true. His brother had a problem.


	14. Up In Smoke

**A/N:** Hey, look - I'm not dead! Here's a little early Christmas present for anyone who's still reading this story! There's a bit of language in this chapter...just a forewarning.

* * *

In less than an hour, Sean found himself once again in the lobby of Mr. Peterson's office, this time accompanied by Tracker. Mr. Peterson had been able to squeeze them in for an emergency appointment. It seemed to Sean that he was causing a lot of emergencies lately.

"Tracker, Sean. I can see you now." The wait was shorter this time, a fact that didn't go unnoticed by Sean. Maybe the more dysfunctional you were, the quicker you could be seen.

Once inside the office, Sean sat in the same chair as he had the other day. Tracker took his normal spot across the room. The positions were familiar, and for the second time, Sean felt his stomach lurch at the familiarity of the situation.

"So, Sean, Tracker," Peter interrupted Sean's thoughts, "why don't you tell me what's been going on? It's been awhile since I've had both of you in my office."

Tracker shook his head. "I don't know what else to do." He stared directly at Sean. "He just won't stop lying or drinking. And he's fighting again." He hesitated and dropped his voice. "I thought we had moved past all that."

Peter turned to Sean, waiting for a response, but none came. "Sean, why don't you tell us about what's been going on?"

He shrugged. "I don't know."

"Well you better know something!" Tracker was irate, and didn't hold back the anger that had built up the last few weeks. "I'm taking time off work to baby-sit you because you can't be trusted, you're drinking, suspended from school – you better have something to say!"

Sean stood up. "Fuck you, Tracker! I didn't ask to be here! I –"

"Now," Peter interrupted the tirade, "let's all calm down. We need to discuss this, but yelling and swearing won't do us any good." Sean had made his way to the door and had his hand perched on the handle. "Sean, why don't you sit back down so we can discuss this?"

Sean thought of saying exactly what was on his mind, which consisted mostly of telling Peter where he could go, but thought better of it. He hesitated, and barely whispered, "I have to pee."

Peter nodded, and Sean continued on his path. Once outside the office, he walked straight by the receptionist desk, through the lobby and out the front door. He just couldn't deal with anything right now.

Once out of the office, Sean wasn't sure where he was going. He stopped at a corner drug store and slipped the young cashier an extra five bucks to sell him a pack of cigarettes. It wasn't something he did often, but if he didn't do something with his hands, he was going to end up punching someone. He figured the cigarettes were less trouble.

Sean sat down on the curb near the alley and lit a cigarette. He was half way through his second cigarette, his anger just starting to ease away, when a familiar voice called his name.

"Sean?"

He turned around, while trying to crush out his cigarette at the same time, but it was too late. "Hey, Joey."

Joey shook his head. "That's a disgusting habit."

Sean nodded, not really sure what else to say. He wondered if Joey would make him throw away his pack.

"What are you doing out here, besides breaking the law? I thought you were grounded."

Sean stared at his feet and wished he hadn't put out his cigarette so quickly. He shrugged in response to Joey's question. "I needed some air."

"Does Tracker know where you are?"

Sean cursed under his breath. He really wished people would mind their own damn business. "I'm sure he has an idea."

Joey hesitated. He knew that Sean had often been called a troublemaker, but he had always liked him. He had always been respectful to Joey, and he was a good friend to Craig. "Sean, is everything okay?"

He was so tired of hearing that question. Of course things weren't okay. Would he be where he was if things were? He nodded. "Yah, I'm fine. Thanks."

"Well, why don't you let me take you home? I'm sure Tracker's worried."

"No thanks. I'll walk."

"Won't take no for an answer." He pulled his keys out of his pocket. "Let's go."

Sean reluctantly followed Joey to his car, his cigarettes clutched in his left hand. "Um, Tracker's not exactly waiting for me at home."

"He's not?"

"I sort of walked out on him and my social worker." His head was hung low. "Could you take me back?"

Joey nodded. "Sure buddy." He held out his hand. "It will only cost you one pack of cigarettes."

Sean handed over his pack, remorseful that he hadn't been more careful with them. "Are you going to tell Tracker about this?"

Joey shook his head as he backed out of his parking spot. "I trust you will."

Sean sighed and sat back in his seat. It seem his life kept getting harder and harder. What was Tracker going to say when he walked back in? For about the millionth time that week, he wished he had a drink.


	15. Confessions

**A/N:** Okay, so I just realized tonight, after I don't know how many months, that somehow I skipped a chapter when posting this. I had written a chapter "The Choices We Make" but never uploaded it. It's not crucial to the storyline, but I liked the flow of the chapter. Anyway, I've fixed it now, so there is a new chapter 12 if you care to read it. Thanks, and sorry about the goof!

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Tracker was just leaving Mr. Peterson's office when Sean returned. Tracker stared at Sean in disbelief and then held open Peter's door and waited for Sean to enter.

Neither of them said a word until they were seated. Sean could see that his brother was holding back his anger, and that it was taking all his strength. Peter waited, patiently, for the tow brothers to work it out on their own.

Tracker was the first to speak. "Where were you?"

Sean stared at his feet, not wanting to make eye contact. He shrugged. "I went for a walk."

"In the middle of a session?"

Sean shrugged again, not really sure how to respond.

Peter could see Tracker's anger boiling at the surface, so he interrupted. "Why don't you tell us what happened Sean?"

Sean was still staring at the ground, but the defiant, angry look on his face was melting. "It was a bit much to hear. I needed to get away from it, so I left."

Tracker was noticeably calmer now too. "Where did you go?"

"Like I said, I went for a walk." Sean really didn't want to admit what he had been doing. "I went down to 8th Street, ran into Joey and he gave me a ride back here."

"Why did you come back?" Tracker thought Sean would have just as soon stayed away.

"I didn't want to. Joey insisted on taking me home and I just told him to bring me here instead."

Tracker stared at him, confused. "Why did Joey insist on taking you home?"

"He knows I'm grounded. Wanted to know why I was out."

Tracker nodded. "I'll have to thank him."

Sean rubbed his hands on his jeans. His hands were sweating. He was nervous, but he knew what he had to do. "I was smoking."

He had caught Tracker off guard. "What?"

Sean glanced from Tracker to Mr. Peterson. "I was smoking when I ran into Joey. That's why he insisted I go home." He shook his head. "I mean, he knows I'm grounded too."

Mr. Peterson nodded. "That was very honest of you Sean."

Tracker still seemed to be a bit confused. "You're smoking too?"

"Not really." Sean realized that he really didn't have a good track record for honesty. "Sometimes. But really not that often. I promise."

Peter launched into a long discussion about the importance of honesty and the addictiveness of cigarettes, but Sean didn't really hear a word of it. He had something he needed to say and he just really wasn't sure how to say it.

Tracker was the first to notice that Sean wasn't paying attention. Sean looked worried, almost scared. "Sean, are you okay?"

Sean shook his head, knowing that he hadn't been okay for awhile. He couldn't find the words to say it though.

"What's wrong? Sean?"

Mr. Peterson held his hand up to silence Tracker. "Let's give him a minute to get his thoughts together."

Sean shook his head, time wasn't going to make this any easier for him. "I – I mean," He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I think I need help." He opened his eyes and to his surprise, Tracker looked relieved. Peter was even smiling.

Tracker nodded. "I agree."

Peter jumped on the opportunity. "Why do you say that Sean?"

Sean held out his hand. "I'm shaking. I just really want a drink right now and it scares me." He glanced at Tracker. "I just don't want to end up like Mom and Dad, ya know?"

Tracker nodded. "I know."

Mr. Peterson smiled again and handed Sean another listing of AA meetings in the area. "Maybe this will mean more to you now."

Sean stared down at the list in his hand. He needed help, but he wasn't sure how he would ever be able to attend a meeting. It seemed hopeless to him, but he knew he would have to try.


End file.
